The first thing i learnt that i needed to change in order to change my life was my attitude. How was i do that when i especially consider my self cheerful and happy go lucky? I soon found out there was a lot i needed to work on and change. I realised cheerful and happy go lucky was a persona i was wearing to hide from people, please people and even fool myself. Deep down my attitude towards a lot of things needed to change.
I needed to change how i looked at life, situations, people and most importantly myself. I needed to start thinking and being positive about life. "Be positive.." Oh God I hated that statement. Anytime someone tried to cheer me up with that statement i would just walk away and probably say something mean. I mean if you couldn't say something of importance then just shut up. How could they ask me to be positive when they could clearly see i was going through a hard time. So imagine saying it to myself, i could not keep a straight face. But the more i thought about it the more i realised it made a lot of sense. Actually i realised that just by being here, choosing not to give up despite what life has thrown at me and still trying to change my life was me practising positivity. i just needed to learn to be positive more often.
I sat down to take stock on my attitude and the results were not good, i was guilty of a lousy attitude. I complained all the time, about everything, to almost everyone, actually i never realised how much i complained until i challenged myself to go a day without complaining. I failed miserably even ended up finding out that there are some people i have been friends with for years and all we had in common was complaining. Take out complaining and there was nothing left to talk about. God bless my patner because he has had to endure a lot of complaining, my mom too. I learnt that i had to replace all that with positive thoughts and affirmations. I sat down and made a list of a lot of the things i complain about and next to every entry i had to write down something positive that i'd be telling myself when i find myself complaing about that particular issue.
I encourage you to try it. Pick one one that you always complain about or think negatively about and make a mental note to always say something positive instead. You will be suprised how much it changes you. That person you can't stand, find something about them you like or admire and they will not be so awful after all. That job you hate find something about it you like and it will not be so bad, slowly by slowly you will realise you no longer dwell on the negative.
This is turning out so well for me, after all they say you are what you think. For instance i had such big problem taking any form of criticism. Anytime someone criticized, corrected or pointed something to me i would automatically go on defense mode. I would take it as an attack on me and things would just spiral downwards from there. I felt like that person was out to get me, they did not like me and felt like i was not good enough. Imagine how my day would turn out if i was corrected first thing in the morning at work. The rest of my day would be ruined. So intead of taking it as an attack, i told myself that i was just being corrected on a particular issue and it had nothing to do with me personally, more importantly that person did not hate me. The other day my partner asked me what happened to my boss, i told him she was ok still that i just stopped complaining about her, i stopped taking everything personally and changed my attitude towards her. A lot of my relationships have changed. I forgave my dad for abandoning us, he honestly told me that back then he was lost and that it took him along time to find himself. Instead of blaming him anymore i chose to look at him as a human being who is capable of making mistakes.
Most importantly i learnt the importance of practiting positivity towards myself. I realised most of my negativity was directed towards myself. I learnt to be positive, to be kind and to watch what i say to myself. The other day i was feeling down because someone had treated me unkind, and has been unkind to me in the past. On my way home i kept thinking about it and my first instinct was to blame myself. I started beating myself down, i felt like it was my fault this person thought they could get away with behaving like that towards me. I felt weak and was going on and on in my mind saying unkind stuff to myself. I caught it real quick, it was not my fault this person behaved that way towards me, especially considering i treat her with respect, if someone chooses to disrespect a person who treats them with respect then they are the ones with a problem. I made for mya mental list of my positive attributes and reminded myself of how strong and worthy i am. Immedialtely i stopped feeling sorry for myself and you know what i finally broke that cycle. I was not bothered anymore by how she bahaved towards me, and realised how much power i gave her by looking at that situation negatively.
Once i learnt and started looking at things more positively i am amazed by how much life can change when you just change your attitude. I stopped feeling sorry feeling like my life is a mess and instead look forward to each day as an opportunity to grow, learn and change my life. After all no one knows my potential even i do not know until i try. Attitude is everything, i changed my attitude and am changing my life.