by on Jun 6, 2017 - 5 min read
In category

You have never really lived if you haven’t experienced the campus mayhem. Thousands of people rocking the heavens freedom but on a hells budget. Here we survive. If you can’t find a cheap spot to buy your already cheap stuff or worse even if you can’t bargain you are as good as dead. If you can’t handle big crowds or if you can’t control the kinds of bed bugs my friend you going extinct, literally. Am talking about human students here, those who go right past the mall to shop at the stalls not unicorns who I hear come from another planet, one where nobody knows their mother tongue, if you speak that you get rejected by your clan because you already turned human. 

By unicorns, I mean the so called light skins, cool kids the USIU kind. They got the influence and the money. I got no problem with that by the way. but your ‘dress like a celeb’ outfits, your fake accents,  your narrations about your lifestyle, your alienation from the real world, your nakuloola slang, your  b****y attitudes, your always trying to get lavish with very ordinary stuff, that’s what makes you unicorn. So you don’t wear that shoe anymore because you got pictured in it twice, well you could give it to me and it will still be doing rounds on my instagram next Easter and the Christmas after that. You can’t even sit comfortably or skip a puddle because what you signed up for was six inches of pink heels an olive leaf for a skirt, thousand piercings and dark lipstick. Come on..

* Back to the business of the day...

In campus, brokenness is real (I could write an entire book on this one), and it comes with its twin brother - skipping meals. Ever tried convincing yourself not to eat? For those who haven’t, it’s more like holding in a fart but way much harder. If you haven’t done that then you are unicorn, please don’t date our humans. There are days when your pocket is just a collection of dark particles at the bottom tip and a little flour. Just enough to remind you of that day you were eating mandazi (the hole-less kind of donut) and your best friend walked in so you hid it in your pocket only for it to slide out minutes later and land on your bed. And how you acted like you have never seen it  before. Unicorns listen, Just in case you wondering, we seat on beds here, when I grow up I wanna do couches, or even just chairs.

When you are human and in campus, the friend zone is real. Am told unicorns have a dating pool so that kind of makes ours a puddle, people too broke to be in love. You meet someone new and this one feels different. This one seems to make you happy, they actually have more interest in your life they even seems to know which ports of your (electrical) extension aren't working and why you have a really nice pair of shoe that you don’t wear. Your heart feels warmer and you start to look healthier and happier but only because he/she makes you nervous and that way you breathe a lot more oxygen than usual. It’s always too late when you realize that months of texting, spending all  you free time together, investing your emotion and doing basically everything for her doesn’t get you anywhere past that misleading hug you have been getting since day two. Your friend who is in a relationship isn’t safe either, for a good number of times campus relationships are usually more drama and trouble than whatever they are worth.

If you have been through campus you know how it is to struggle with society expectations. Everybody looks at you like you should know basically every life hack there is, project the self-composure of a news caster and have your life in order while you are just a broke, sandal wearing idler who spends most of his time sleeping, on social media and watching movies. You graduate four years later and whatever village you come from expects you to land a good job almost immediately, get a home and a car, start a family then start dishing out jobs to your entire clan while deep down you are just clueless and unprepared to face the world.   

Drugs serve as a reasonable escape from this turmoil and brokenness for most comrades, with cheap liquors and weed being the most prevailing. Personally, this is the life nobody told me about. I come here clueless, like I have always been, only to land a couple of friends who dedicated their life to reminding me that the words mzinga (alcohol) and stone (weed) can no longer be used to mean canons and rocks. Not anymore. I remember one Frank, this is the guy who sponsored my first trip to the “high” land (catch my next article for this one). He had successively managed to convince me that there is just too much blood in my drug stream. I remember because I only knew milk, soda was already too acidic.

It’s never easy here, but it comes with a really good story to narrate afterwards. Not many understand but those second hand clothes, those cheap crowded parties in rooms the size of a unicorns bathroom, those ‘sneak in eat sneak out’ hotels, those infinix ‘smart phones’, those harambees we do when buying drinks, that’s the isht that we live for here, in the hope of a prosperous happy ever after.

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